Posted 20 hours ago

Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life: The Chump Lady's Survival Guide

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As a Betrayed Spouse, I've got so much hurt 😭 that I have had to work on me, but I was more self aware than my husband.

I think you should probably have been taking active steps long ago to assume control of your life and leave someone who obviously has no interest in loving you or keeping his marriage. With that being said, I have seen and personally experienced a grace, a forgiveness, a love, a healing, a grateful humility beyond what some experience--pain, anger, bitterness, lacking empathy, hatred, divorce. The book also does the important work of acknowledging the pain--something the Industrial Reconciliation Complex shies away from at all costs, but something that's very necessary for healing and renewal. It presents itself as self help but having read it I personally think this book would be better suited as a stand-up comedy routine in an off-beat night club. As we head into divorce mediation this week, I'm steeled for more entitlement and lack of empathy from him as we discuss splitting our assets, but still hoping against hope to see real remorse as evidenced by financial recompense, even if Schorn likens such an outcome to the existence of unicorns.It doesn’t matter why they cheated, or how sad they are to have ruined the good thing you had, or how much they promise to change. There so much I love about this book, but I would not recommend it to someone who has just found out about their spouse’s affair any more than I would recommend a “You Must Save Your Marriage” book. I will be very surprised if I do not move on to a better job or a promotion with my current employer within the next year. Every cheater is 100% responsible for their choice and its consequences, but understanding an affair means giving attention to the unique vulnerabilities at play. Unless otherwise noted, articles are written by Tim Tedder, a licensed counselor and creator of this site and its resources.

I both agree and disagree with this, but I put it in the “agreement” list because these reactions (“attempting” remorse or ignoring it) are probably most typical, especially if the affair was recently discovered. To be clear, I am not suggesting that traumatized spouses should just roll over with an “It’s okay, I still love you attitude. Tracy does not say it is impossible - just improbable, and from the number of responses on her blog, reconciliation has proved impossible for many.Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life is for anyone who has ever been played for a fool, lied to, and left as carrion for the divorce lawyers. The author uses an intense take-no-prisoners linguistic style and some readers will find that strategy appealing. This book will offer advice on Stupid sh*t cheaters say and how to respond, Rookie mistakes of the recently chumped and how to disarm your fears, Why chumps take the blame and how to protect yourself, and more. Bottom line is both people have to work on the marriage to get over an affair because there were cracks in the marriage. That line of thinking is counter productive (if only because it smacks of manipulation) and stands a chance to alienate your spouse further, hindering your recovery.

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